12 Things I Know My Mother Hates But I Do Anyway


“Don’t hate the player, hate the game”

A list of things I know I shouldn’t do, but I do anyway because my mother is an enabler and never punishes me.

1. Bringing each piece of food away from my bowl, and eating it in the middle of the living room floor, leaving crumbs for her to step on.

2. Kicking a single piece of food under the stove and whining incessantly until she recovers the lost piece, despite the fact that my food dish is full.

3.  Snuggling right up close to her face and promptly yawning. Nearly killing her with my bad breath.

4. Going outside, doing a number one, refusing to do a number two, only to come inside and immediately leave a number two on the (brand new) bathroom rug.

5. Using her as a stretching post and digging my claws into her collar bones.

6. Crawling under the couch and getting stuck, so she has to lift the couch up to retrieve me.

7. Always changing our friendly game of fetch into a game of “keep away from mother.”

8. Doing somersaults on her bed until I am able to get my shirt off and run around like a naked savage.

9. Never looking at the camera when she tries to take a picture of me.

10. Jumping on her lap while she is going to the bathroom.

11. Eating off of her plate when she isn’t looking.

12. Throwing a tantrum every time she brushes my teeth.



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